The 'Dregs' Session, Justine's 10 Second Kebab Dilemma and Emu's Pie Fondue

For those of you not acquainted with the 'Dregs Session' then please allow me to enlighten you. A 'Dregs Session' takes place at your local tavern and usually runs from 3pm through to 7pm Monday to Friday. The profile of the patrons you will find slouching at the bar generally consist of working stock, scattered with a few retired folk. The patrons will be made up of both genders, but the XY chromosomes will be more prominent. The attire on show usually consists of Hi-Vis jackets, rigger boots, steel toe-caps, multi-pocketed combat trousers covered in dirt or paint, official uniforms, casual wear (the retired and taxi drivers only) and the odd suit. The phrase comes from wanting to shred the 'dregs' of the working day, either vocally or contemplatively, in a relaxed atmosphere with the help of alcohol. The conversations will range from your crappy day at work, horse racing, football, who had to be carried to the waiting taxi, semi-conscious, and 'belted in' the previous weekend and plenty of banter. If ya lucky you'll have a 'Brendan'. An educated man of history and current affairs, a political animal who will educate and debate. I must stipulate that this gathering only ever happens at your local taverns.

'Twas an early evening like this, a few days ago, that I found myself slouching at the bar in my local tavern, hugging a cold Carling. I must profess I regulary find myself in this position. The conversation got around to this blog and 'The Sausage Sandwich v The Bacon Sandwich Condiment Debate'. Justine, who went for no sauce on either...strange girl..recounted the following Kebab story;

After a 'messy' night out, she stumbled home with new born giraffe legs, via Ali's Kebabish. Hugging a large Donner on Nan dressed with wilted salad covered in both yoghurt and chilli sauce close to her chest she was ready to growl at anyone who even looked at her delicious, wrapped gastro-porn.

With the giraffe legs and a dizzy head she climbed the stairs with the tightly held kebab and a plate, falling onto the bed. She unwrapped, plated and began to munch down on the gorgeous seasoned lamb, salad, sauces and warm nan. She fell asleep.

The morning light hurt her eyes. The plate sat empty across her dressed torso.

"Did I eat all that Kebab?"

At this point of the story she informed me that she had not yet bought a headboard for her bed.

Two weeks later her cat was hiding somewhere in the house. After a long search, she heard muffled cries coming from the the small gap between the mattress on the bed and the wall. She put her hand down the gap, gripped and pulled out...HALF OF A KEBAB.

She looked down, lovingly, at the dried mess in her hand, blew off the dust, and said aloud.."mmmmm, I love you, ya still looking good, could I?"

Emu is a very dear long standing friend and a regular patron of 'The Dregs Session' but my culinary endeavours are always met with "What you eating that shite for?" What you need to know about Emu's palette is that it only gets to experience Spaghetti Hoops, Iceland £1 'Ding' meals, Warbies bread, Hollands pies and The Welcome Chippy's Burger, topped with a pea fritter. Now, this is a man who is still traumatised because he can longer get his hands on tinned Goblin Steak n Kidney Puddings. One the very few occasions we've gone out as a group for a meal, he will always ask for the Sausage, Chips and Beans Kid Meal...We are paying £15 for a main, he is paying £3.95..not as daft as he looks, and he gets a free colouring book and box of crayons. Anyhows, here is his 'recipe' for what I call 'Emu's Pie Fondue'. This is only applicable with Cheese n Onion, Meat n Potato or Steak n Kidney pies.

Emu's Pie Fondue   

Choose one of the aformentioned Hollands pies, can only be Hollands
A portion of chips
Ketchup, meat n potato or steak and kidney only

Remove the 'lid' from the pie
Eat the 'lid'

Micro or unwrap the chips, if chippy bought

Dip the chips into the filling

Once empty, eat the pastry case

NB: IF USING MEAT N POTATO OR STEAK N KIDNEY, STIR THROUGH KETCHUP BEFORE DIPPING

Enjoy................

Love, peace and freedom people

Cluski