is now a denizen of the Sanatorium. In the confines of his padded cell of solitude, devoid of Lucifers Dream Box, he is alone with his literature and the thoughts in his head. God help him.

with aid of facebook here is his Waffle from his cell

woke up on floor of my padded cell this morning. Fed more drugs. Fell asleep in me cornflakes and nearly drowned. Fed more drugs. Fell asleep in me lunch. Meat chunks and hot gravy stuck to me bubbling, blistering face. Fed more drugs. Fell asleep during afternoon coffee. A large ice pack is now sitting heavily on my naked groin (yea, I know its not the mental picture you want to be haunted by). That doctors twisting me melon man.

Ray, did you know that 'real time' tracking device thats embedded in ya head"
"Yea man"
"Well, the receiver is planted in 'Doctor' Barbies teeth and all the incoming transmissions are bounced off her teeth,hitting the orbital satellites and bounced back to 'them' who live in the woods. That'd how they know my friend"
"Ya f@ckin kidding man?"
"Straight up Ray"

The thing is about 'Doctor' Barbie is that she looks like she should be running around Burger King in a pretty party frock, waving a ballon with a belly full of chicken nuggets and birthday cake, waiting for mummy to come and collect her, skipping home with her party box.

"F@ck man, I knew it"

Oh dear, I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.

Editors note: so read on and find out about Ray

Ray has accosted me as his new best friend. My seclusive stroll of self-awareness through the gardens of the Sanatorium during my roaming pass has been violated by the company of Ray. Everytime I am released from my padded cell he is loitering somewhere along the corridor.."You going for a smoke Clusk?"

Ray trusts no one. Everybody is furtive. The whole of life is a conspiracy instigated by 'them', those faceless figures who live in the woods. He whispers in a guarded tone "in case they hear us"
"Do you know what they do? When ya born yea ' they' implant a tracker in ya head yea. 'They' know exactly where you are, what ya thinking and what ya saying. And if 'they' dont like it ya in deep shit man. You'll just disappear. Its true man. Its a New World Order".

We are on the same cocktails of drugs, 32 pills a day, including Chlordiazepoxide which enhances the calming effect of a certain brain chemical, which causes muscles to relax, reduces anxiety and induces sleep, a long, deep, uninterrupted sleep, that can befall you at any time of the day. Why?

Me? Cause the doctor doesn't like me and just wants to feed her sadism by seeing me comatosed, dribbling, in a foetal position on the padded floor.

Ray? Cause he's off his f@ckin head.

Might invite him to The Peel, if he ever gets out. He'll fit in just dandy, me thinks.

A patient of the Sanatorium who has decided I'm his new best friend and together he wants us to bring down the New World Order then fly away in a spaceship and bring peace across the far reaches of the universe. I want to come home.

Editors note andy is in hostipal having his annual holiday it would be cheap on the NHS to send him to Portugal to sit in the sun but it aint going to happen

'A long stay denizen of the Sanatorium', The last meal request before the cockcrows and the golden sunrise illuminates the color of faded limes along the green mile.

Good evening beautiful people

Tonight I find myself home alone, a privilege and a pleasure I am very rarely afforded.  On the eve of my imminent exclusion from the general populace, a long stay denizen of the Infirmary, though previous experiences would warrant the title of 'A long stay denizen of the Sanatorium', I have put my affairs in order. Priority was given as follows;

1)  The Sky+ has been cleaned up and the following weeks TV schedule has been programmed and series linked

2)  The larder has had a stock-take and replenished accordingly.

3)  Fridge and freezer have been checked and all my fresh homemade meals have been frozen, dated and labelled, along with instructions.

4)  The microwave has been removed and hidden under the stairs.

5)  Two dozen books have been chosen and packed.

6)  Supply of tobacco has been rationed.

7)  All things deemed as 'Chocolate Crisply Crunchelies' have been bagged.

8)  Ipod fully charged and 'The Archers Omnibus' podcasts have been downloaded (Yea, OK..............I know)


9)  My lovely newly purchased hooded bunny rabbit dressing gown with floppy bunny ears and matching slippers, has been packed.

10) My Last Will and Testament has been reexamined and revised. The charming, delectable and divine Miss Joolz Greenlees will acquire my Slow Cooker and all my handwritten recipe books. All my beloved 'Crag Rats' will each recieve an item of Pen-y-ghent malodorous bog stained clothing. Emu will inherit my 'Dregs Session' bar stool. The housemates will be left with my cat...and my debts.

I feel like the condemned man, deliberating over his last meal request before the cockcrows and the golden sunrise illuminates the color of faded limes along the green mile. I have been brooding over this great decision all day. I covet a mighty feast before I am forced fed a diet of soggy, floppy toast, rehydrated powdered potato, undercooked or 'boiled to death' veg and an array of gravy ponds with chunks of dead animal meat and fats embedded in it's coagulated surface, often disguised on the menu under the illustrious and tempting titles Beef Bourguignon, Chicken Chassuer, Pork & Apple, Lamb Casserole and so on.

Well, I have finally made my decision.

I will shortly be gorging on the biggest, fattest Doner Kebab this town has to offer. I want it loaded with strips of succulent, self-basted spit-roasted spiced lamb, large helpings of raw onion, tomato, cucumber and lettuce and topped with lashings of mint yoghurt and hot chilli sauces, all wrapped up in a huge warm naan bread. A feast of behemothic proportions, a feast fit to quell the pains of famishment of the ravenous vagabond. There will be no dining etiquette. There will be no guests. Just me, me boxers ('CAUSE I CAN), me 'curry top' (we've all got one, haven't we?) me beer and me cat.

Another couple of beers then one shall make that call...better keep my pants on till the delivery guy has been.


Love, peace and catch you all on the otherside people

Sleep well and stay safe............Cluski

My inane 'hop, skip and jump' disposition of the day has been subjugated, quelled by the grotesque pantomime that is played out on a daily basis in every 'Primarni' store across the land. The wails of the maddening banshees pierce my senses, wailing that warns of an impending death.

Good day beautiful people

Another glorious Spring day and my self-diagnosed winter-based Seasonal Affective Disorder is screaming from the Bastille, imprisoned in the bleak disorder and throes of the winter just passed.  My inane 'hop, skip and jump' disposition of the day has been subjugated, quelled by the grotesque pantomime that is played out on a daily basis in every 'Primarni' store across the land. After my minor role in today's matinee, I realised I'm old and my Bohemian style and character has been traduced by Mr Primarni.



'Primarni' (a pseudonym of Primark) is a very low cost fashion retailer and a purchase of necessity, of economical sense, invited me into this afternoons matinee. With the imminent hospital confinement looming, I needed to purchase;

A:  a dressing gown

B:  a pair of slippers

C:  pyjamas

The unmovable staining the 'Dith' treatment will leave on the garments means they will all be disposed of on discharge, so I was not prepared to pay dear for any of these purchases. The local 'Primarni' was the only option. On entering the store I am instantly confronted with the bedlam that is the womens section. The more ordered and serene mens floor is accessible via the stairs, climbing high on the horizon line across this raging sea of anarchy.  I stop at the door. Less than confident that my navigational skills has found find the safest and expeditious route to the beckoning stairs, I am carried away in the crush, losing my footing on the clothing that have been violently rip from the rails and left scattered across the floor, in the death throes of their finest hour. The wails of the maddening banshees pierced my senses, wailing that warns of an impending death.

"IF SHE PICKS UP THAT LAST SIZE 10 FROCK SHE'S GOING DOWN"

"WHAT? YEA, I KNOW I'M A 12 BUT IT'S ONLY THURSDAY AND I'VE GOT TWO DAYS TILL SATURDAY TO DROP A SIZE. JUST HURRY UP WILL YA, GRAB IT"

I begin to hyperventilate.

I reach the stairs and take a seat on the eighth step till my breathing returns to normal. The bedlam below me is incessant and will have to be revisited or I could just sit here for the next 8 hours till closing time.

My breathing returns and I ascend the stairs to the mens floor. All is quiet and there is order as the predominantly male shoppers peruse the rails. I find the nightwear section and go straight for the dressing gowns. Now, this is when the realisation started sinking in. I don't own or would not contemplate purchasing a dressing gown to wear at home, that's what my slouchers are for. But I now find myself  'touching' the material for softness and warmth, checking the labels for the material information, humming and ahhing over the design and colour. I even try them on, luxuriating in their big, loving, soft and warm hug, exhaling a long affectionate sigh.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?"

Oops that was a big loud.

Didn't get any better when choosing the pyjamas and as for the slippers; I found myself shoeless and sockless parading down the aisles in a pair of  'Toasty Toes' slippers, a stupid 'look at me' expression sat on my smug face

Transaction complete,  I found myself back on the eighth step, paper shopping bag clutched tightly to my side pondering whether I should sit here, safe and protected, till closing time.

"B@LL@X.........I WANT A SMOKE AND I'M HUNGRY"

Oops, too loud again.

"If I time it right, I could probably bounce of the manic heads of the banshees and make that final dive that will propel me through the open doors leaving an abrupt body sprawled at the feet of the passing street traffic, battered and bruised, clutching a 'Primarni' paper shopping bag...WHERE'S THE WEIRD LITTLE XBOX KID WHEN YOU NEED HIM? HE COULD SAFELY NAVIGATE ME THROUGH THIS THUNDERDOME, THIS GLADIATORIAL ARENA. HE BRINGS HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION DOWN ON THE ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS FOR GOD'S SAKE. HE COULD HANDLE THIS".

Damn, too loud again.

I bounced off the heads.

This, my friends, has been a true account of my day and I am now slouching on the couch, my cuts and grazes dressed in a variety of different sized Band-Aids, smelling of TCP, watching Spartacus: Gods Of The Arena, with a much needed beer in my hand.


Love, peace and please forgive my retail indiscretions  (but I did see a comfortable looking cardigan and a pair of practical summer slip-ons whilst passing the British Home Stores window


                                                                   Cluski

Greetings from the Northern Hemisphere my friends and as I bask in the sunlight, midway between the vernal equinox and the summer solstice, the glory of the seasons rebirth, renewal and regrowth is a feast for my senses.............What the hell am I going on about?

Greetings from the Northern Hemisphere my friends and as I bask in the sunlight, midway between the vernal equinox and the summer solstice, the glory of the seasons rebirth, renewal and regrowth is a feast for my senses.............What the hell am I going on about?

Good day people on this beautiful Spring day.

I am sorry to announce, that due to the forthcoming hospital confinement and no internet access, this blog will be on vacation for 3-4 weeks from Sunday 27th March.

I suffer from psoriasis, a skin complaint, that a requires hospitalisation every now and again for intense treatment that cannot be administered at home. Purely routine, but a long process of control and confinement. So, what do I have to look forward to? Long, very long, days of reading, writing, relaxing, sleeping and not forgetting the 4 meals a day with intervening scatterings of crisps, chocolate and sweets.

You are given a daily menu to choose the following days meals but no matter what you choose, for a hot lunch and dinner, you will always end up with a stew.  Example;

LUNCH: Beef stew with creamed potatoes and seasonal veg 

TRANSLATION: a pond of tiny chunks of meat and gravy,  2 ice-cream scoops of rehydrated powdered potato and crunchy undercooked mixed veg


DINNER: Steak n Kidney pie, chipped potatoes and seasonal veg 

TRANSLATION: THE SAME BLOODY BEEF STEW YOU HAD AT LUNCHTIME BUT WITH A SQUARE PIECE OF PUFF PASTRY SITTING ON TOP OF A POND OF TINY CHUNKS OF MEAT AND GRAVY.....about 7 cold and hard chips and.....THE SAME BLOODY CRUNCHY UNDERCOOKED MIXED VEG YOU HAD AT LUNCHTIME.

One shall be missing his homecooked food to the point of tears within 48 hours

Anyhows, cauliflower is bang in season right now, so in anticipation of the fellow housemates eating crap for the next month, I have cooked and frozen a beautiful Cauliflower Cheese Soup, along with a slow-cooked Piri Piri Chicken, 2 more large Cottage Pies, a large Beef and Guiness Pie and an assortment of cook-in-sauces (not hard, defrost, then just add meat)

Give this Cauliflower Cheese Soup a go, but please note;  if you intend to freeze DO NOT ADD THE CHEESE. Add the cheese when you defrost and reheat it. Enjoy.

Cauliflower Cheese Soup

knob of butter
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, peeled and finely chopped
1 large cauliflower (about 900g/2lb), leaves trimmed and cut into florets
1 large potato, peeled and cut into chunks
700ml vegetable stock (I use swiss vegetable bouillon powder)
400ml milk
100g mature cheddar, grated

Heat the butter in a large saucepan. Tip in the onion and cook until softened, about 5 mins, stirring often. Add the garlic and cook for a further couple of minutes. Add the cauliflower, potato, stock, milk and seasoning. Bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and leave to simmer for about 30 mins until the cauliflower is soft and the potato almost collapsing.

Whizz in a food processor or crush with a potato masher until you get a creamy, thick soup. Add more milk if you prefer a thinner soup. Freeze now, if desired. If not freezing, return to the pan, warm through, add the grated cheese and stir till melted into the soup. You can make ahead up to 2 days in advance, cool, cover and leave in the fridge until needed, or freeze for up to 1 month.


Love, peace and  freedom beautiful people


                                               Cluski

Liberation from this repressive cocoon is not forthcoming. It has the seductive power to quell any physical attempt to break free. That's another Cardinal Sin to cross off the 'to do' list

Greetings from the confines of  the duvet. Liberation from this repressive cocoon is not forthcoming. It has the seductive power to quell any physical attempt to break free....I have managed to release one leg which is left dangling, without purpose, over the side of the bed.

It has been a frenetic weekend of gigs, debauchery and gluttony (that's another Cardinal Sin to cross off the 'to do' list) which has left me wandering around 'Hangover Alley', beaten and penniless. OK, I might be overstating one's current state of being but today is officially 'Detox Sunday'. A day when a constant supply of still water will take precedence over food....once I've devoured the leftover Jerk Pork, downed my eighth cup of strong black coffee and had my nicotine hit.  (see 'There's only one way of life and that's your own. Anticipating the post gig munchies attack - Blackened Chicken and Jerk Pork' post)



Now, if only I had the strength and will to escape this bloody cocoon, my dangling leg is getting cold.

Love, peace and happy Detox Day

                                      Cluski

There's only one way of life and that's your own. Anticipating the post gig munchies attack - Blackened Chicken and Jerk Pork

Greetings people.

I am very much looking forward to a weekend of gigs. Starting with the Levellers tomorrow and finishing with Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction on Saturday means it's gonna be all go this weekend....poor me.

One of the dry spice rubs and a marinade I made on Sunday will be coating chicken breasts and pork steaks in anticipation of the post gig munchies attack. So, here is what will be cling wrapped in the fridge for Friday and Saturday suppers.

Blackened Chicken

A great New Orleans Cajun blackened rub

1 1/2 tablespoons paprika
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon ground dried thyme
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon dried oregano

Combine the paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, thyme, black pepper, cayenne pepper, basil, and oregano in a bowl until evenly mixed. Lightly coat 4 chicken breasts in the mix, pressing in well. Store the remainding mix in an airtight container in a cool, dry place. 

Leave to marinade in the fridge for 1 hour or overnight. Cook the chicken as desired - bake, griddle or grill till cooked through. 

I'll be serving this late night supper, sliced, with flatbreads, Pico de Gallo (recipe listed), extra sliced onion and a bottle of  Louisiana Hot Sauce.

Jerk Pork Steaks

This jerk marinade will make about 3 cups and can be stored in the fridge for a month. Go easy on the marinade. You want to coat the meat, not completely drown it. Baste some of the marinade on the meat whilst grilling.

5 spring onions, roughly chopped
5 sprigs of fresh thyme, about 1 tablespoon chopped
2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 teaspoon ground allspice
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 scotch bonnet peppers, deseeded and chopped (for that true authentic Jamaican feel.. keep the seeds, if you dare)
1/3 cup soy sauce
2 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/4 cup white wine vinegar
1 onion, roughly chopped
1/2 cup orange juice
2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1 teaspoon grated ginger

Put all the ingredients in a food processor or blender and pulse to start then run at a puree speed until everything breaks down to a smooth consistency. This marinade can be used on chicken or fish but I will be pouring it over 6 pork steaks until evenly coated, refrigerated overnight to marinate, then grilled.

I'll be serving the jerk pork with panini bread, sauteed red pepper and onion, steamed buttered corn cobs and the habitual bottle of Jamaican Pepper Sauce.

"If wasn't for stupid Mike". Akin to James Brown, a bit out of breath.

Greetings from the valleys of green and grey my beautiful people

My dear 'Dregs Session' hosts,
Tabitha and Mr Bloody Know-it-all

It's been a couple of days since the last posting and in the intervening period the wierd little Xbox kid is still sulking about the outcome of this weeks poll (see previous posting) and is now challenging me to 1 game of Fifa '11 to overturn his loss on the coin toss. Tabitha, my generous 'Dregs Session' hostess, is still reeling with Mike after he 'advised' her to place her Cheltenham Festival horse racing bets to win, rather than her preferred each-way bets. She would have had a return;

 "If wasn't for stupid Mike, but I can't even shout at him, seeing he's just bought me a new cooker and tumble dryer. But he's still bloody stupid. Mr Bloody Know-it-all".

The second day of the Cheltenham Festival and she's placed each-way bets, so I wish her luck.

Wags, another 'Dregs Session' patriot, won a couple of hundred quid on the racing and didn't bat an eyelid, I won £20 and jumped about, busting some hot East Coast 'booty' moves.

"Get in there, who's the daddy?"...Wags bought me a beer and I was helped to my bar stool, akin to James Brown, a bit out of breath.

Anyhows, as promised here is the very tasty and easy recipe for the pulled pork dish that many of you have requested. I did promise to share some portions with my fellow patrons, but the housemates devoured it all. Please accept my apologies.

Slow Cooked Texas Pulled Pork

2Ilb boneless pork shoulder, fat removed

1/2 cup barbeque sauce

1/2 cup tomato ketchup

1/2 cup cider vinegar

1/2 cup hot chicken stock

3 tbsp light brown sugar

1 tbsp American yellow mustard 

1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

1 tbsp chilli powder

1 large onion, finely chopped

3 garlic cloves, finely chopped

1 1/2 tsp dried thyme

Mix the barbecue sauce, tomato ketchup, cider vinegar, chicken broth, brown sugar, yellow mustard, Worcestershire sauce, chili powder, onion, garlic, and thyme in a jug or bowl. Pour in the slow cooker and place the pork shoulder on top of the sauce and baste. Cover and cook on High 5 to 6 hours or low for 10 - 12 hours until the roast shreds easily with two forks. 'Pull' into shreds and stir well through the juices.

Spoon onto large toasted buttered baps and serve with rosemary and garlic potato wedges (listed in 'recipes') or American-style fries, sauteed sliced red and green peppers and sliced onion and coleslaw.

 

Love, peace and don't bust any East Coast booty moves if you've got a dodgy hip

                                                                      

                                                                            Cluski

Engulfing concrete basking in the gold and yellow of an exquisite solar day. "Feel the force weird little Xbox kid. The righteous one will prevail".

Good day beautiful people. How glorious a greeting the sun gives the mountains!

The sun sits high and naked in the blue sky and the usual greyness of my hometown is transformed, the engulfing concrete basks in the gold and yellow of an exquisite solar day. Me thinks an early evening stroll through the valleys is beckoning after a dinner of Texas pulled pork, rosemary and garlic potato wedges and slaw.

Anyhows, this weeks poll result was a 50/50 split. So, should I honour the weird little Xbox kids menu request for next week to the disservice of all the other fellow housemates...and myself'? We came to a deal. Holding the casting vote, I agreed to toss a coin. 


"Oh Dear"

"Best of 3?"

"I think not young man, but I will reluctantly permit ONE pasta dish to deface this weeks dinner table. Make your choice"

My humanity knows no boundaries

"HOW CAN I? ITS ALL PASTA AND CHEESE, MY FAVOURITES"

 "Feel the force weird  little Xbox kid. The righteous one will prevail"

The reverberation of a slammed door succeeded the grunts and heavy ascending footsteps.


Love, peace and enjoy the respite from ya negative seasonal affective disorder


                                                                                         Cluski















 

A snail tale. "Che l"uomo è pazzo", A quiet and solitary day of relaxation and batch cooking.

Good day beautiful people

This weeks poll on whether I should honour the weird little Xbox kids menu request for next week to the disservice of all the other fellow housemates...and myself closes at midnight and is currently a 50/50 split. If you cast a vote in the coming hours ask yourself;

'Could I really spend a whole week on a diet of unleavened dough made from durum wheat and water, smothered in a variety of tomato based sauces and topped with handfuls of Parmigiano-Reggiano?'

Now, this is not persuasion...I am merely posing the question that you need to ask yourself. I very much like the supportive comment from 'Anonymous' regarding this poll;

'I feel you are duty bound to sit the Xbox child down and explain the theory behind dehydration, hydration and then subsequent dehydration of pasta and the likelyhood of a football sized bowl obstruction,which although possibly appealing in a strange biological research sort of way certainly has potential to put house and housemates in extreme peril' 

I could not have produced a better counterargument for the defense of the fellow housemates and myself your honour (think I've found a new best friend). Coincidentally, I heard a rather amusing Italian-based foody story during yesterdays Dregs Session.

How would you impress a new girlfriend during a romantic dinner in an upmarket Italian Ristorante? You could always try this one.

Dave, looking rather dapper in his taupe suit with a pocket watch and chain attached to a blue and gold waitcoat over a white dress shirt, and Francis, dressed to kill in a little black designer number with matching expensive clutch bag, had just started courting and were sat in a subtly lit Italian Ristorante on their first dinner date. Perusing the menu, Dave noticed a starter of snails simmered in olive oil, vinegar, garlic and butter. In an act of complete bravado, an act to impress Francis with his cosmopolitan and refined palate, he announced "I think I will have the snails"....he had never tasted snails. Francis opted for the Calamari.



The starters arrived and the snails went down well, leaving a debris of empty shells scattered around the plate, which Dave proceeded to gather up in his napkin.

"Francis, pass me ya bag"

"Why?"

"Quick, before the waiter comes over"

The bag was passed over and the filled napkin was shoved into it.

"Was everything satisfactory sir?" enquired the imported Italian waiter, noticing the empty plate that sat in front of Dave.

"Very nice thank you, but the snail shells were rather crunchy"

The waiter stood aghast. Mouth agape.

"I will..erm..inform the..err..chef sir"

Secondi and Dolci courses devoured, bill paid, they left and went to continue their evening in the nearby bars. The full repercussion of Daves practical joke was realised when Francis ordered the drinks and opened her clutch bag to retreive her purse. A huge waft of vinegar and garlic aroma engulfed the bar, bringing a look of distate from the patrons gathered at the bar.

She retreated to the Ladies and emptied the contents of her bag into the wash basin. All the contents and the whole lining of the expensive designer clutch bag were covered in a buttery film of garlic-infused  olive oil and vinegar. Everything was ruined...and stank. She was not happy.

They went home.

After all these years, Francis has still got that clutch bag and refuses to throw it away..and it still stinks.

Anyhows, I've had a lovely, quiet and solitary day of relaxation and batch cooking. The Texas Pulled Pork is bathing in the slow cooker, two large cottage pies have been made and waiting to be transferred to the freezer, spice shelf in the larder has been replenished and various dry rubs and marinades have been made for later use (I will post the recipes for the dry rubs and marinades later). Time for a beer, TV and a slouch me thinks.

Love, peace and che l"uomo è pazzo

                                 Cluski

I concede to the revolution and acknowledge the power of the militant reformers. Shepherds Butchers first delivery of their own bred free range pork

Good day beautiful people and a very happy Friday to you all.

Firstly, the results of the 'hackers' poll are in and the result shows that 65% of you agreed with him/her that I was wrong to ignore the democratic vote and take the housemate for her birthday dinner to a restaurant of my choosing (Nandos) and not to a restaurant of her choosing (Frankie and Bennys)....I WAS PAYING.

In response to the result of the 'hackers' own poll, that questioned my despotic stance against the democratic opinion of the populace, I concede to the revolution and acknowledge the power of the militant reformers. Therefore, I will relinquish my power to negate the democratic process and will cease to violate the privilege of persuasion.....

............NOT THAT I BLOODY HAD ANY OVER YOU PESKY, MEDDLING MILITANTS.

Anyhows, I've got a free day today, so I will be taking a stroll over to Shepherds Butchers, defrosting a homemade cottage pie for the housemates dinner and will be joining the patrons of the Dregs Session in The Peel Hotel later this afternoon before strolling home, kebab in hand (supper and breakfast) and retiring to bed, to lie in fear of the abominable 4am alarm call and work.

Today, I am happy to announce that Howard recieved the first delivery of  his very own bred free range pork yesterday (see February 6th review posting 'Detailed anatomical and forensic skills, expert husbandry knowledge and obliging service remain the hallmark of a good butcher' Click here for details, location and phone number) and in anticipation of this delivery I ordered a 2lb pork shoulder that I will pick up today, along with housemates habitual weekend breakfast menu of pork with garlic and spring onion sausage, black pudding, bacon and fresh local eggs.


The pork shoulder will be used for a Texas Pulled Pork dish. The shoulder will be immersed in a bath of BBQ sauce, tomato ketchup, cider vinegar, chicken stock, brown sugar, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, chilli, onion, garlic and thyme and slow cooked for 10 hours. The shoulder will then be 'pulled' using two forks to pull the pork apart, leaving it in large strips and then returned to the bath and stirred through. This will be served with large baps, rosemary and garlic potato wedges (recipe listed) and homemade coleslaw.

I have to point out that I shall be cooking this dish on Sunday and depending on the results of this weeks poll will either be lovingly presented to the ravenous housemates on Monday or frozen for another time. Please vote wisely...

Crap, there I go again......sorry.


Love, peace and power to the people

                                          Cluski

My common sense has abdicated it's responsibility, Sausage and Root Veg Hotpot,

Good day beautiful people. I once made the mistake of letting the weird little Xbox kid choose the coming weeks menu for the housemates and myself (I do like to involve him in matters of the commune from time to time). Alas, yet again, my common sense has abdicated it's responsibility to monitor the words that breed like adders in my throat and to keep my mouth shut when the words that explode through my lips will, knowingly, have a detrimental effect on myself or others.

I pushed a blank piece of writing paper under his door and retreated into the darkness of the landing. The emanating sound of crackling gunfire and the bloodcurdling screams of people having their throats ripped out and inners consumed by blood thirsty zombies ceased. Five minutes later, the folded writing paper was pushed back under the door. I picked it up and read his menu;

Monday      -    Spaghetti Bolognese.....OK


Tuesday      -    Lasagne..................OK, pasta again


Wednesday -    Cannelloni................OH NO!!!


Thursday     -    Pasta Bake..............HE'S DONE IT AGAIN..BLOODY PASTA BOY


Friday          -   Pizza.....................AAAAAAAARGH

How am I going to confess my revisiting stupidity to the other housemates?

So, this weeks poll is to decide, through the democratic process (that has been brought into question by a certain 'hacker'), whether I should honour the weird little Xbox kids menu request for next week to the disservice of all the other fellow housemates...and myself.

Anyhows, my confession can wait until I have filled their bellies with a comforting sausage and root veg hotpot. Swedes and parsnips are coming to the end of their season and wont be back to their best till August, so I like to use them in a hearty stew whilst they are still at their best and the days are still cold.

Sausage and Root Veg Hotpot

3 tbsp olive oil
8 good quality sausages (I always buy the butchers homemade)
2 large red onions, finely sliced
4 garlic cloves, crushed
2 parsnips, peeled and cut into chunks
1 swede, peeled and cut into chunks
2 large carrots, peeled and cut into chunks
300ml red wine
400g tin chopped tomatoes
A few fresh rosemary sprigs
200ml chicken stock, hot
Handful of fresh flatleaf parsley, finely chopped

Heat 1 tbsp of the oil over a medium heat in a large pan, then brown the sausages all over. set aside, then heat another 1 tbsp of oil and gently fry the red onions for 10 minutes. Add the garlic and fry for another 2 minutes, then set aside with the sausages.

Heat the remaining oil and quickly fry the root veg for 5 minutes until starting to colour, then set aside with the other ingredients.

Pour the wine into the pan and bubble until reduced by half, return the other ingredients to the pan, then add the tomatoes, rosemary and chicken stock.

Season well, then bring to the boil, cover with a lid and gently simmer for 20 minutes. Remove the lid and bubble for a further 10 minutes to reduce the sauce. Sprinkle with the parsley.

Serves 4 and will freeze.


Love, peace and don't let common sense abandon you

                                                 Cluski

A weekend across the border, the cream of the Atlantic and if it's wearing a furry coat - THROW IT AWAY

Good day beautiful people. Had a wonderful weekend away across the border with the wider family to celebrate a milestone birthday.

When I travel back home from these infrequent large family gatherings and contemplate the chronology of our entwined lives, their long absence both physically and consciously is realised. My dear cousins are a lot more muted in silver colour  and their children are no longer the little snotty toddlers I remember. They are all unrecognizable in their little adult bodies as the girls consume bottles of Blue Wicked, wine and vodka's and the boys, with the 5 O'clock shadows, knock back the beers. Reintroductions are required.  My aunties and uncles are all holding free bus passes and dressed for warmth and comfort. I, obviously, have not aged.

My brother and sister-in-law made the journey from Portugal, where they now reside, and it's always a pleasure to share a beer or ten with them. As always, they arrived with gifts for me and the 1.5kg bag of 'Flor de Sal' and the big bag of dried piri piri chillies were gladly received.

'Flor de Sal' translates to 'Flower of Salt' and is the cream of the Atlantic. The flor de sal is the result of the work of nature obtained by natural evaporation of Atlantic Ocean water that enters the salt pans through the Natural Marine Reserve of the "Ria Formosa" on the southern coast of Portugal. The clusters of crystals that float on the surface (the rosy coloured slices indicates the presence of quality carotene) is collected by hand using wooden rakes (every two weeks) that skim the surface of the salt pan to collect the thin layer of salt "flower" that forms on top of the water as the water evaporates. It is then put in perforated boxes to drain and dry, and then to storage. After it is boxed without any way of changing its content, the consumer obtains a product 100% pure. Historical research shows that it has been done like this for over 4000 years. Flor de sal is prized for its small grains, lightly crunchy texture and balanced, briny flavor and has been certified by worldwide environmental organizations to be free of the industrial contaminants sometimes found in mechanically harvested sea salt. It is a much prized and sought after sea salt throughout the world.

How can one be so passionate and excited by sea salt?.......it's all rock n roll to me.

The piri piri chillies will be used to make chilli oil which will be used to pan fry Potuguese Bifana (hot pork sandwiches) and Prego (hot steak sandwiches) and piri piri marinades for chicken.









Anyhows, I have done a full stock-take of the spice and herb shelf in the larder and made a shopping list for tomorrow. A day of making spice rubs and marinades for meat and fish is on the cards. Will leave you the recipes tomorrow.

Love, peace and when staying with an elderly relative make sure you go through their fridge and larder and dispose of any produce that smells, has turned green and is sitting in a furry coat as well as anything that has a 'use by date' of 2004.

                                                                 Cluski

A scuppered solitary and relaxing excursion into the city. Chorizo, mushroom and egg on toast

Good day beautiful people. Due to a forgotten appointment later this afternoon, my plans for today have been scuppered.  The choice was to stay home and cook a Roast Chicken dinner for the returning housemates or take myself off for the day.  I had decided to have a relaxing day with lunch at The Soup Kitchen (Chicken Barley Broth, a selection of freshly baked rolls and a cup of tea) followed by a meditation session at the Buddhist Centre.  Alas, the late afternoon appointment, that I completely forgot about, has prevented this solitary and relaxing excursion into the city.  The housemates gave a very insincere and patronizing response;

'Oh dear, never mind'

that was then followed with.....

"Roast dinner back on then?"

Anyhows, I've just enjoyed a beautiful lunch of Chorizo, mushroom and egg on toast and now chilling with a mug of Yorkshire tea and The Sopranos.....Rock 'n' Roll

Chorizo, Mushroom and Egg on Toast

3 tbsp olive oil

200g cooking chorizo, sliced into rounds

knob of butter, plus extra to serve

350g mixed mushrooms, such as chestnut and portabellini, sliced

4 large shallots, thinly sliced

2 large garlic cloves, finely chopped

Small bunch fresh parsley, leaves picked

4 medium-large free range eggs

1 rustic loaf such as cottage, sourdough, bloomer, sliced

Heat 1 tbsp of oil in a frying pan and fry the chorizo until starting to crisp. remove with a slotted spoon and set aside.  Add the butter to the pan and, once it begins to foam, add the mushrooms and shallots.  Season and fry over a medium-high heat, stirring, for 5 minutes until softened and golden.  Stir in the garlic and fry for 1 minute.  return the chorizo to the pan and heat through, then stir in most of the parsley.

In another frying pan, heat the remaining oil and fry the eggs, leaving enough room for them to spread.  Fry to your liking.

Meanwhile, toast the bread. Butter the toasted slices, divide amongst the plates, then spoon the mushroom and chorizo over the top. Top each with a fried egg and scatter over the remaining parsley.

I've given you the quantities to serve 4.  Easily halved or doubled......enjoy

Love, peace and NEVER make a late afternoon appointment on a free day

                                                                      Cluski

An official statement that disclaims any responsibility for stupidity. Who's the daddy?

Good day people. May I submit this post as a disclaimer. An official statement that disclaims any responsibility for stupidity. I share my recipes with you all to inspire and to encourage you to get in that kitchen, put ya Ipod in the docking station, turn the volume up and rock over the stove. To move away from the supermarket ready meals and dump the microwave. To use fresh local produce and meat, to batch cook and freeze for easy mid-week meals, to reduce your weekly food bills and for you to experience the pleasure in preparing, tasting and sharing new dishes and twists on the old classics with ya loved ones and friends.

So, when Diesel confronts me one evening during the 'Dregs Session'  with this kitchen injury, I really have to question just how responsible am I if, when following the recipes, you set yourself on fire, lose a couple of digits whilst handling knives, incur horrific facial disfigurement from exploding fats...OR GET ATTACKED BY AN OUT OF CONTROL TIN OPENER WHILST TACKLING A FRAY BENTO'S PUDDING (Dougie's Fray Bentos 'Classic' Steak n Kidney Pudding with Tomato Soup 'Dregs Session' recipe)

Well, I'm not bloody responsible for stupidity. I blame his partner Joolz for not putting child locks on the drawer were all the nasty, horrid sharp things live and for not putting the baby gate on the connecting door frame that leads from the living room and the kitchen. So, Joolz, it's your fault.

Last evening we finally took the housemate out for her birthday dinner. It was cancelled on numerous occasions due to her socialite lifestyle of ladies who lunch, ladies who shop and ladies who get smashed. The poll results were, again, disappointing. I was paying and wished to dine at Nandos, the housemate preferred Frankie & Bennys. So, the results are as follows;


Frankie & Bennys    55%
Nandos                    19%
Greggs                     13%.....very strange!!!
Pizza Express             9%
Flaming Dragon          4%

May I thank the 19% who did the right thing. We had a celebratory evening of feasting, drinking and much merriment and on behalf of the fellow housemates and guests I would like to thank all the staff at......

                                                                ...........for the great service and fantastic food

Love, peace and who's the daddy?

                              Cluski