more from inside the block

editors note... more from Andy again nothing to do with food but funny passages from his facebook Diary


After eight days of being a denizen of the Sanatorium has had his dignity fragmented on a daily basis. Today they have finally desecrated the remnants. This final act included a nurse, a sock, a pair of swimming goggles and a Phototherapy Pod


He seems to have spent a lot of time in Camp Bedlam in various states of undress. This one took the biscuit. Now, before all you mothers cry out in disbelief "desecration of dignity? You want to go
through pregnancy and childbirth, sunshine". Well, he has. Three times (and he's managed to keep his figure). Ok, he concedes that the internal examination reminded him of those Lucky Dip's at the carnival. The ones were you inserted your whole arm through the hole in the box and blindly had a good rummage about, grabbing for the biggest prize. And after the birth of the slimy little thing, you have to lie there with your legs, strapped in stirrups, pulled up to your chin as a midwife sits inbetween, inches away from your traumatised genitalia and torn perenium, holding a needle and thread whilst you lie there with an inane Entonox-induced grin on your face, sipping a cup of tea. 


Now, if childbirth is as painful and undignified as you profess and he has been told many times (personally, the three labours and births he witnessed were worthy Oscar nominations) He therefore questions;

A) WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LYING THERE WITH A STUPID GRIN ACROSS YA FACE, SIPPING TEA, AS THE MIDWIFE IS STITCHING YA TORN BITS?

B) THE COPULATION MAY BE PLEASURABLE (so I'm led to believe) BUT WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO
PROCREATE?

Being kicked in the b@llox is extremely painful experience but I know not of any male who would gladly and willingly revisit that experience.


Anyhows, back to the brave little soldier. This is the final act of binning the remnants of his dignity.
He is standing in front of Nurse Lilian, naked, his genitals stuffed into a trainer sock (Yes, A TRAINER SOCK, stop laughing, that he will have to wear where its supposed to be worn when he gets discharged. ON HIS FOOT) and a ridiculous pair of swimming goggles. She checks my colouring and body heat before locking him in the pod. He can see his reflection in the full length mirror on the far side of the room.

"Oh sweet jesus"

Right, that's him done. He's let the cat out amongst the pigeons and is now gonna turn off his phone before the diatribe, the thunderous written onslaught crashes his inbox


and finally a bit about Ray


is sat in the Sanatorium bell tower having a smoke with Ray who is on top form tonight. He is educating me on the galactic journey that Narmer and the Egyptians made to settle on this planet over 5000 years ago. He has promised to show me their star from where they came on the next clear night. Can't wait. Will someone please get me out of this place.