If you read the 'Justine's 10 Second Kebab Dilemma' post you will have a slight indication of her notorious hedonism. After a good day/night out, filling her boot's with copious amounts of alcohol, she always demands a bounteous platter of food. Unfortunately, the simple transportation from platter to mouth to stomach continous to be an inconceivable mode of conveyance to her.
She arrived home late on a Friday evening, carried by her unstable newborn giraffe legs that had now gained enough practical navigational skills to allow the eyes to become fully redundant. This was a vital skill to learn because one eye was always asleep and the other only had 10% vision. She was ravenous. Opening the fridge door her 10% vision spotted a portion of chili, sitting in a silver tray. She remembered making a big pot earlier in the week and saving this portion for the weekend. She smiled, a broad expectant smile. Result. Now what to have with it?
Justine roused, slowly and carefully, to find the heavy duvet had cocooned it's patient. She found her way out and noticed a large white bowl on the floor. There were no remnants of any food, the bowl was completely clean but she knew she had eaten. She recollected warming the chili but could not remember eating it, never mind licking the inside of the bowl clean. She then noticed the dog.
He was sat on the end of the bed. Across the full length of his elongated face his long hair was matted with rice and chili bits. He couldn't look more guilty if he was crouched in the corner draped in a poncho, topped with a sombrero and pulling on a chewed cigar. She looked over the edge of the bed again at the floor and saw the rice.
"Oh dear, what have I done now?"
She rose and carefully planted her feet on the floor, avoiding standing on the trail of cooked rice that led from the bowl to the open door. Following the trail she reached the landing.
"Oh my God"
The trail led across the landing, and down the stairs. Now my friends, we are not talking about a few grains of rice here, we are talking a huge amount of spillage. Carefully descending the stairs, legs agape either side of the trail, she follows as it winds it's way into the kitchen.
"Holy shit"
I wish she had taken a photograph of what confronted her that morning. Every receptacle was sitting on the worktops, cooker and table, overflowing with cooked rice. Every pan, bowl, cup, glass, Tupperware box, plant pot was utilised. She looked at the floor. She beheld a paddy field.
"Oh bollocks"
We all know how deceiving a portion size of uncooked rice can be once cooked. Water absorption causes volume expansion, so a handful of uncooked rice now becomes 2, maybe 3 handfuls when cooked. I am sure this will sound familiar, as we have all had plenty of leftovers. So my friends, if you arrive home after a day/night of hedonism and feel like some rice with your leftover chili or curry, please remember the following advice;
DO NOT reach for your restaurant sized stockpot (Justine has one), fill it with water and pour in a 5kg bag of rice.
DO NOT reach for any sized stockpots or pans, for that matter.
DO have a stock of Uncle Ben's Micro Rice sitting in your larder.
DO NOT purchase boil-in-the-bag rice. They are an accident waiting to happen.
DO make sure you have a microwave before purchasing the Uncle Ben's.
Dougie is a well established patron and the joker of the 'Dregs Session'. A well built Maltese man who enjoys the whole spectrum of worlds cuisines and, apparently, he makes a cracking biryani. So this recipe he gave me as one of his favourite comfort foods did somewhat surprise me. It shouldn't have done really, because anything that is said, confessed or done during the 'Dregs Session' should NEVER take me or anyone by surprise. Therefore, I am happy to share with you, my friends, the second 'Dregs Session' recipe and one to give 'Emu's Pie Fondue' a run for it's money.
DOUGIE'S FRAY BENTOS 'CLASSIC' STEAK & KIDNEY PUDDING WITH TOMATO SOUP
You will need the following;
a microwave, a tin opener, a sauce pan, a large bowl and a spoon.
1 Fray Bentos 'Classic' Steak & Kidney Pudding
1 can of Hienz Tomato Soup, no other brand is acceptable
Microwave the Steak & Kidney Pudding, as instructed. Meanwhile, open the can of soup and pour into a saucepan. Heat gently till warmed through. Once the microwave pings, carefully remove the Steak & Kidney Pudding. Take it out of the tin and place straight into the large bowl. Finally, pour over the hot Tomato Soup.
.....................................................Enjoy
Love, peace and freedom people
Cluski
I was hoping for his spagetti cake recipe lol xx
ReplyDelete